-= nil by mouth =-

the challenge

2010-03-29T05:44:00.000+08:00

Now marks the beginning of the challenge.

caramel cream tobacco

2009-06-28T02:46:00.001+08:00

I've got to start throwing away all the old VHS tapes in the corners of my room already.

keep me far

2009-05-05T01:27:00.002+08:00

Like a ghost that came from an old beginning
You heated up the freezing destiny
But I told myself I had the chance to live a better life
By loving someone new

We had a love, a future, we were honest
But my truth held so many little lies
Can turn the page, can rearrange, it's written in the sand
And the tide is closing in

I miss the mind of the wonderful
I let the icy thoughts run through me
Cold, and no one knows

I keep the pain of a broken soul
Wounds that just won't heal
No one knows, not even you

haute

2009-04-22T16:39:00.001+08:00

I guess it's time I take into consideration of my own interests before others.

Yes? No?

breathe

2009-04-12T23:14:00.000+08:00

Leave behind your fears
Please believe
You will not falter
There's no danger here
You can breathe
In clear blue water

silent chrysalis stage

2009-03-24T00:31:00.002+08:00

Dear God,

Please let me sleep for a hundred days and make me forget everything I know when I wake up.

Yours truly,
Thaqif.

dietro casa

2009-03-19T02:40:00.002+08:00

I'm tired of hoping for good things to happen to me.

I wish I could be like Pinky.

like a slave

2009-03-17T00:16:00.002+08:00

We've got to always make way for new things.

But does that mean we have to keep the old in the dark corner of our attic?

burnin' for you

2009-03-16T01:09:00.001+08:00

Sometimes I wonder if the decisions I've made lately were the right ones.

i should have stayed at home yesterday

2008-09-26T23:59:00.002+08:00

Argh.

Need to improve on lots of things.

Need to improve fitness.

Need to learn how to kick ball again.

Need to learn how to block face when playing boxing.

Need to stop making up excuses. Even if it sounds funny.

Need to revert sleeping pattern.

Need to remember to cut hair every month.

Need to do all those things.

~_^

90125

2008-08-22T00:46:00.001+08:00

When I look into your eyes and try to find out how
Theres no way to save it now
And everything I feel
Changes
Keep looking for
Changes
Changes

For some reason youre questioning why
I always believe it gets better
One difference between you and i
Your heart is inside your head

One word from you
One word from me
A clear design on your liberty
Who could believe when love has gone
How we move on like everyone

Only such fools
Only such jealous hearts

Only through love changes come

neverending story

2008-03-26T02:41:00.002+08:00

First gig this year shall be on at Republic Polytechnic's Jam n Hop next friday.

Hope it goes on as planned.

Hope no COS.

Perhaps I can take my Polivoks for a spin that day.

Heheh.

Finally got my old camera to work again after almost half a year of inactivity. Captured something weird which might explain why I can't sleep at night. It's some black spot which only appears on the camera. I can upload it and show you but I'm too lazy to do it.

Shut up.

It was a long time ago,
But it felt only like yesterday.
I thought I knew.
I thought I knew.

Perhaps I was fooling myself,
Into believing that it could happen.
But things don't happen,
Just like that at least.

So the days passed,
My thoughts were wild.
Like mixing yellow and purple,
And orange and green.

Grey was the end product soon after.
It started to dilute.
Fading in colour.
Like there was any to begin with.

And then I saw myself,
Not in the mirror though.
There I was, on the ground,
Staring into the nothingness.

The nothingness,
That threatened to destroy the world.
Crept slowly into me.
It was weird.

Albeit the nothingness,
I felt like I was being filled.
With something.
I felt full.

Full of nothing?
But it felt right though.
So what was I?
Full or empty?

Then I thought,
Better to be filled with nothing,
Than to be filled with nothing.
I raised an eyebrow.

It was then I realised,
That I was filling this space with nonsense.
Hopefully to pass time by,
So I can get on with things.

The time flies,
The date changes.
However, I'm still stuck.
Stuck in time that is.

Like a bilingual illiterate,
I read between the lines,
And did not understand.
Not even a bit.

So as time goes on,
I wonder,
When will I get out?
When will I ever come unstuck?

Help me answer those questions.
I'll give you something special if you give me a solution or remedy.

Hahah.

sounds like a melody

2007-11-25T03:04:00.000+08:00

Seriously, I think it's about time we started growing up.

1 + 1 = 3

2007-09-29T12:58:00.000+08:00

It's called... Artisitc expression.

Hahah.

cut the cake

2007-09-19T02:16:00.000+08:00

Yet, I still keep searching.
In my heart and in my soul.
In the eyes of those around.
Looking for the reason.
Looking for the meaning.
Of the thing that we call life.

Where do I go? What do I do?
What have I become and have I been?
Dwelling in this paradoxical state.
Contradicting every word I say.
Does it really matter?
Do I really care?

No.

Take me as I am.
Take me now.
It doesn't matter.
The road ahead is no different.
It's all been done before.
It's all been felt before.

Drop me off at this point of time.
Cos it really doesn't matter,
How far away you'd bring me.
I'd drop on off before the end,
Cos that is where I belong.
Stranded in the middle.

And so I'll watch everyone.
High above on this pedestal.
Smiling at their lives.
Sharing their happiness.
Call me selfish for not sharing mine.
My only excuse is I have nothing to share.

Here we go again.
Back to the start.
Or is it the end?
The start of the ending.
It always ends.
Like this.

jack

2007-07-06T20:31:00.000+08:00

We prefer to be called little people. One day we will take over the world and you all will beg for mercy. And we might consider it.

conversation of the insane

2007-06-14T00:53:00.000+08:00

It has finally happened.

The once green leaves are now grey.

Like how the simple GameBoy has evolved into a sleek and stylish sophisticated GameBoy Advance SP.

I still carry the GameBoy wherever I go.

Maybe I'm old fashioned.

Perhaps.

But I don't care.

They may laugh. They may cuss. They may awe.

But I still don't care.

Maybe I'm too self-centered.

Perhaps you can tell me if I am.

Cos no matter what answer I give you, the result will be the same.

What does all this have to do with anything you may ask.

Well, my answer is, it has to do with everything.

I think I could have done more.

However, I always give excuses like, you never gave me a chance to, I wanted to but I jsut couldn't.

Sometimes I wonder if those were a good excuses or not.

You might say I desire too many things.

I guess if I am deprived of so many things, all I can do is desire.

My first GameBoy, I was only able to get it after 5 years of it's release.

At least some people get what they desire. Or at least quicker than me. Right?

There.

My self-centeredness.

Sheesh.

I think this will be the last that you'll hear from me.

I'm gonna kill myself(not literally) and hopefully resurrect into someone else.

Just like you did.

And hopefully, I won't remember my past.

Cos that's what's killing me.

You're killing me.

I'm killing me.

Hmmm...

I'm only happy in my sleep.

In my dreams.

In the fictional world where I am immortal and everything I desire becomes a reality.

I shall end this pangyric now and take a trip to my kingdom.

toss

2007-06-13T01:28:00.000+08:00

It would definitely be much much better to throw it into the drain rather than into the corner of the room. Throwing it into the corner would just mean that you might use it again.

button earings

2007-06-07T01:27:00.001+08:00

It's like a toy that gets thrown into the corner of the room. Like that rag doll everyone only plays with when there's nothing else left. And again and again, it get's thrown into the corner when everyone gets bored of it and finds something new.

power to the cheese

2007-04-24T12:45:00.000+08:00

Your heart is not open so I must go
The spell has been broken, I loved you so
Freedom comes when you learn to let go
Creation comes when you learn to say no

You were my lesson I had to learn
I was your fortress you had to burn
Pain is a warning that something's wrong
I pray to God that it won't be long
I wanna go higher

There's nothing left to try
There's no place left to hide
There's no greater power
Than the power of good-bye

Your heart is not open so I must go
The spell has been broken, I loved you so
You were my lesson I had to learn
I was your fortress

There's nothing left to lose
There's no more heart to bruise
There's no greater power
Than the power of good-bye

Learn to say good-bye
I yearn to say good-bye

done and dusty

2007-04-13T02:31:00.000+08:00

The last few weeks of school was a rather weird one for more reasons than one. We suddenly noticed a change of character in one of our classmates. Shall not go into detail. Cos it was a really dumb thing. Hah. Somehow, the exams made the class come together. Suddenly, everyone was talking to everyone. Not that I'm complaining or anything. But yeah, I guess it takes some kind of a crisis to get people together.

Exams went pretty well. Except for one. Software Engineering. Argh.

Bought my first t-shirt in 2 years. Got some assistance in getting it ordered from overseas. Gotta say the shipping and handling killed me. US$12 for the service tax. That's like 6 mee gorengs man.

Sometimes it just puzzles me how people can be so oblivious and be relating the same thing that they are oblivious to with stuff that should be of little or less concern. Some tongue twister eh? Hah.

Oh well. I'm not perfect. So are they. But I'm having trouble sleeping. Are they?

Hmmmm...

Goodnight.

dodgeball

2007-04-04T02:04:00.000+08:00

It's 2.04 in the morning.

99.5 FM on the radio and a cup of passionfruit tea.

Notes in front of me.

Somehow.

It feels good.

the secret of the ooze

2007-03-04T22:58:00.000+08:00

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie marathon here I come! Weeewooweewooweee! Prlergh!

enjoy the silence

2007-02-21T19:24:00.000+08:00

Precious and fragile things
Need special handling
My God what have we done to you?

We always try to share
The tenderest of care
Now look what we have put you through

Things get damaged
Things get broken
I thought we'd manage
But words left unspoken
Left us so brittle
There was so little left to give

Angels with silver wings
Shouldn't know suffering
I wish I could take the pain for you

If God has a master plan
That only He understands
I hope it's your eyes He's seeing through

Things get damaged
Things get broken
I thought we'd manage
But words left unspoken
Left us so brittle
There was so little left to give

I pray you learn to trust
Have faith in both of us
And keep room in your hearts for two

Things get damaged
Things get broken
I thought we'd manage
But words left unspoken
Left us so brittle
There was so little left to give

quote

2007-02-19T11:53:00.001+08:00

"The best school is always old skool."

100% service charge

2007-02-08T01:20:00.000+08:00

Today my lecturer gave me $1 as a tip for buying him a drink. Hahah.

buzzing buzzards

2007-02-02T22:42:00.001+08:00

But that's not supposed to be my job!

splash

2007-01-30T19:26:00.001+08:00

Fat hope. Slim hope. So?

blogger doesn't remember me

2007-01-27T14:31:00.000+08:00

Argh. Stoma-cha-che.

now

2007-01-23T21:58:00.000+08:00

And that's the reason why.

i am complete

2007-01-18T22:22:00.000+08:00

These hearts are built to sound the saddest of tunes.
To ring the shades of hungry needles and scars of old longing.
Where our numbered days meet our best intentions lay clouded,
By the weights we carried in our hearts and on our skin.

Where can I fall when there's noone to catch me?
What will I do when my soul breaks?
Who'll hear me then?

Dear, keep those clouds at bay,
So this won't be just more dead poetry
To fall upon ears that have long since gone deaf.
Let us heal these jagged exit wounds.
Wash away all the stains and together,
Make things right again and never let go.

For once this feels so real.

ms2000

2007-01-11T22:40:00.000+08:00

mcv

2007-01-10T11:50:00.000+08:00

This has got to be one of the best things I've ever witness in my sky gazing history.

Hahah.

=)

touch me

2007-01-07T11:57:00.000+08:00

It has taken over our lives til the point that we don't even realise it.

calvin and hobbes

2007-01-06T02:08:00.000+08:00

Fear is like hesitating at the top of a slide.

The drop seems ever so much steeper and frightening than it really is.

nCr

2007-01-04T18:28:00.001+08:00

What's the point of turning back when there's nothing to turn back to?

18 mne uzhe

2007-01-02T13:14:00.001+08:00

Think about it.

Think.

blob

2006-12-31T19:47:00.001+08:00

It will never change.

2pm

2006-12-29T00:40:00.000+08:00

Is it possible to say that the one person you've disappointed the most is also the person you're most disappointed of?

get up, get down. go back to sleep.

2006-12-26T02:02:00.000+08:00

It's like ripping off someone's face.

Y'know?

Just to make sure there isn't another one underneath.

Hahah.

The best thing is, they rip their faces off themselves.

It's like that movie.

The Mask.

Ring any bells?

Nope.

Not the Son of the Mask.

The Jim Carey one.

Yeah.

Looks like I'm leaving this year just the way I did last year.

At least there's 2007 to look forward to.

Perhaps then I could get myself one of those masks.

Just in case someone tries to rip my face off.

Hahah.

Face off.

Yeah.

And again,
I see that familiar face.

But this time,
I know,
It's just a face.

Nothing more.

Just a face.

divided

2006-12-04T02:11:00.001+08:00

The marriage has gone to my head
The wedding trumpets are dead
Replaced by a static noise
So loud that I can't hear my own voice
Will those signs lead me out of here
Well, just take me somewhere
To the plains where angels sing
Trough the chime and the clattering

For what it's worth the truth might hurt you
There is a little you can do
When shadows fall I will desert you
Then that's what you will do

For what it's worth the truth might hurt you
And with a tear of morning dew...
My temples born anew

Lead me inside
Lead me inside
Lead me inside out of the cold
Let me inside
Feel me inside
When the seed is sown
Our love's dead by dawn

And as the day begins
The sun is soothing my skin
And I am divided
I am divided
For love

I have to say
That all of this time
I waited for someone like you
You are my dream
You are my dream
You are my dream

this is how a room should not look like

2006-11-27T13:23:00.000+08:00

Yeah.

hahah

2006-11-18T22:43:00.001+08:00

Hahahahahahahahahahah.

disillusion's reel

2006-09-27T16:03:00.000+08:00

Every time I try to understand
The meaning hidden deep into my heart
I crumble down the taste of losing all
Is always bitter when I sip from my cold blood

Losing what when there is nothing much to gain?
Stop yourself and have a thought
Watch your life

Mother earth is there, emotionless to your eyes
You can love her sons, but at the end you're all alone
Come and dance this reel, disillusion's for real
Stop yourself for god's sake, try to take a look at yourself
How can you pretend of having my faith
Of gaining all the respect and the love that I can give
I even hardly believe in myself
Where is the tunnel white, they told me of?

Losing what when there is nothing much to gain?
Stop yourself and have a thought
Watch your life

Mother earth is there, emotionless to your eyes
You can love her sons, but at the end you're all alone
Come and dance this reel, disillusion's for real
Stop yourself for god's sake, try to take a look at yourself

or would it?

2006-09-20T00:51:00.000+08:00

Here we are, lay it all out,
We're at the edge of the cliff,
Sorrowful yet glorious, in a way,
We take this final bow,
As the final chapter is being written.

Memories laid buried beneathe the ashes,
Burnt away like the body of a deceased,
There's nothing left to do,
Nothing left to hope for.
Patiently, we await this closing chapter.

Is it over?
Is it done?
Or has it just begun?

It grows apart,
Yet it feels like,
It's closer,
Than it has ever been.

It wouldn't hurt to end it now.

Or would it?

is this enough?

2006-09-05T20:18:00.000+08:00

Dreamt that a huge explosion wept out almost everything. Only about a hundred of us survived. Almost everyone I knew died. Everything I owned was vapourized. All that was left was a rather run down block of flats. Then all of us gathered in front of the block an just looked to the sky. There it was, the black sky and the red moon.

rocketman

2006-08-30T21:12:00.000+08:00

She packed my bags last night pre-flight
Zero hour nine a.m.
And I'm gonna be high as a kite by then
I miss the earth so much I miss my wife
It's lonely out in space
On such a timeless flight

And I think it's gonna be a long long time
Till touch down brings me round again to find
I'm not the man they think I am at home
Oh no no no I'm a rocket man
Rocket man burning out his fuse up here alone

Mars ain't the kind of place to raise your kids
In fact it's cold as hell
And there's no one there to raise them if you did
And all this science I don't understand
It's just my job five days a week
A rocket man, a rocket man

And I think it's gonna be a long long time...

where rain grows

2006-08-28T18:53:00.000+08:00

Yeo's canned rendang and curry is the best thing to happen to me in a long time.

Saw the rabbit trying chew on the cage's bars. Too bad rabbit's teeth aren't solid titanium. I think it knows that there's a better life out there waiting to be explored.

IMF week is yet to arrive. Looking forward to camping at Dhoby Ghaut for hours on standby. Hah.

Goals for September:

1. Get a walkman. One with FM/AM radio and a mic preferrably.
2. Look for those round-sponged headphones. Those with yellow or red sponges prefferably.

I guess that's about it.

to speak is a sin

2006-08-24T15:33:00.000+08:00

Cold hard steel,
Against cold skin,
Slicing the flesh,
Of the weak.

Bleed.
Bleed more.

The body turns pale,
The light nears,
The air thins.

Frozen.

pom chak pom pom

2006-08-05T23:34:00.000+08:00

Argh.

Thank god I have a calender to keep me updated on what day it is.

and will you take thee

2006-08-02T14:18:00.000+08:00

I wonder. If the dream I had last night would come true. If it were to, it would be sad.

cristopher cross griffin

2006-07-25T23:23:00.000+08:00

Thanks to Nazi for this amazing joke.

There was a man. He was going through a mid-life crisis. Then he decided to cut off one of his five strands of hair. Why?

the hangman's daughter

2006-07-16T01:26:00.000+08:00

It seems like the floor has been the preferred option out of the candidates for things to sleep on this past few days. Simply put, sleeping on the floor rocks.

Yeah.

for you my love, i would kill him

2006-07-13T23:23:00.000+08:00

Define emo.

darling we're the young ones

2006-07-10T21:34:00.000+08:00

It seems like the older we get the more depressed we get. I wonder why.

sounds like a melody

2006-07-06T16:30:00.000+08:00

Lying in my bed I hear the clock tick
And think of you
Caught up in circles
Confusion Is nothing new
Flashback warm nights
Almost left behind
Suitcase of memories
Time after

Sometimes you picture me
I'm walking too far ahead
You're calling to me, I can't hear
What you've said
Then you say go slow
I fall behind
The second hand unwinds

After my picture fades and darkness has
Turned to gray
Watching through windows
you're wondering If I'm ok
Secrets stolen from deep inside
The drum beats out of time

humburth

2006-07-05T16:51:00.000+08:00

Was watching the semi-final match when I fell asleep halfway through.(Hah!) Then I had a dream. The match went into extra-time and the Italians won the game with a late strike. I woke up, and it was 0-0 at 117 minutes. Sure enough, the Italians scored the next minute. Hahah. Weird.

redefine

2006-06-29T00:06:00.000+08:00

View some photos here.

away i run

away

away i look

away

away i distance myself

away

from you

from myself

away

that's all i know

afraid of what may be

or what not

or perhaps

it is not me

who

is leaving

longer

the distance grows

i'm not moving

then

who is?

dnihebflesruoytfelevahohwuoysitiebyam

run away

what are you gonna do today?

2006-06-25T04:09:00.000+08:00

My neighbour keeps this black rabbit in a cage outside her house. The cage is only as big as a few shoe boxes put together. She never lets the rabbit out or let it run about. Everytime I pass it on the way home, it kinda stares at me, as if asking me to set it free.

You know what's sad?

If that rabbit were to have it's freedom, it would be deprived of it's basic necessities such as food, water and protection. Singapore isn't a place where rabbits would want to run around freely. A dog might probably kill it and eat it up.

At the same time, how would the owner feel? She feeds it everyday. Gives it water. Certainly she deserves to keep the rabbit the way she wants it.

I don't know why. But something just feels wrong about all this.

of course that wasn't really crime

2006-06-24T04:38:00.000+08:00

Finally! The chance to finally establish myself as an emokid-poser has arrived!

Been dreaming a lot of run down places and running away from people. Reunions and stuff like that. Saw needles again. I'm starting to think it's a bad sign.

Argh.

>_<

emotion

2006-06-23T00:41:00.000+08:00

Someone asked me the other day, 'Are you the kind who has lots of friends or only keep to a selected few.'

I opted for the latter.

As I pondered my decision, I realise there has never been one person that I could actually call my best friend. With the exception of my old primary school buddy whom I'm glad still remembers me. Hahah.

I guess this is how life goes. We form certain types of connections with people along the way. Some meant to be close, some meant to be open and some meant to be just there. I suppose this is how we learnt about how cruel, how good, how appreciative or how unpredictable a person can be.

In this close to 19 years of my life, I've not managed to keep a close connection with anyone for at least 3 years. The people I mix around with are always changing. Though a lot leave, those who replace them are usually better.

Moving on and forward. It plays a huge part in one's life. Dwelling on the past or living in self-denial, it just breaks you down. I've had to learn that the hard way.

Oh well.

Moving on.

It's been raining almost every other day and the evening skies been pretty nowadays. World cup's been boring with the exception of Ghan going through. Ghana and Brazil. A tasty encounter.

Sleep is still hard to come by and my back isn't doing me much favours as well.

Hmmm...

I think I'll go stare at the ceiling and wait for the next match then.

Hey oh.

slow cheetah

2006-06-22T18:18:00.000+08:00

Please don't strip my mind,
Leave something behind,
Please don't strip my mind.

Hmmm... I think I'm gonna try an experiment in this 2 month break. Get up to 70kg and see how fast I can go back to 60kg.

Hah!

toxicity

2006-06-20T12:11:00.000+08:00

Found an unopened Caliban cd at my stairs. It's still a mystery how it got there.

My best friend from primary school just lost his dad a couple days back. He now has to support his mom and 3 other siblings.

I think if I were to sell everything in my room, I'd only get $7000 out of it. How long can $7000 last? Hmm...

I need to start exercising already. I think I'll take this 2 month break and start looking for new places.

It's started raining again.

I need sleep.

the vast all consuming

2006-06-16T13:01:00.000+08:00

wish i could just sleep
wish i could explain
wish i could change the way of things
wish i would fall away

the world i'm in is empty
outside i think i'll choke
somehow i can't help thinking
there is no place for me

Inhale.

Exhale.

discrete mathematics

2006-06-14T10:31:00.000+08:00

It's the 14th of June already. Mid-point of the year perhaps. Considering what has happened so far, I don't think my fortunes has turned ever since the beginning of the year. Perhaps 2006 isn't a good year as I predicted.

Maybe I should get a haircut. Hmmm...

I'm rather perplexed by this sudden weight gain of mine. I can't seem to figure out where most of the weight has gone to. My butt and my belly looks about the same as last time. Perhaps there's something wrong with Naeem's machine.

Swee Lee sale is in 2 weeks time! 50% off! Woohoo! A friend suggested camping outside like the typical kiasu Singaporeans we are but, looking at the situation that unfolded last year, I think that's a pretty good idea. Heh. Too bad keyboards are at least $1000 a piece. Hai.

Oh well.. More Nintendo for me.

disordered existence

2006-06-12T13:33:00.000+08:00

Took an hour long bus ride from Yishun to Harbourfront for fun in the morning. Then Took the train from Harbourfront to Jurong then back to Yishun. Killed about 2 hours worth of time. Somehow I feel a lot more comfortable sitting in the bus than in the train. It's weird cos I'm supposed to feel more claustrophobic in the smaller seating spaces of the bus than in an empty train. Perhaps the law of the trapezoid is true.

I should be getting a new processor by the end of the month. I'd better request for more disk space to store all the movies that I'm gonna download. Napolean Dynamite, Super Mario Brothers and Wuthering Heights is already taking up most of my pathethic disk capacity. I kinda wonder what's taking up alot of this 30+Gb woth of space in my computer. Mp3? I don't know. Ask OCBC.

Microbiology has come a long way, as demonstrated on Mutant Human. Manipulating the embryo to produce deformaties. The conjoined tadpole looked kinda cool actually, though one has got to wonder how much pain it has to through. Conjoined twins. Each with their own sets of vital organs. I wonder. Where is your soul kept? Your brain? Your heart? Why does a person with heart transplant remain the same person? What about brain transplant? Will it really transfer your whole self to the new body? I can't wait for the first experiment of such kind. I'd like to volunteer for it.

For all the control we may seem to have over our lives, there are still lots of things we can't control. Perhaps that is why there is such a thing called fate. Fate can be good. It can also be sad. What then is the meaning of life? A game of chance? Hmmm...

Somehow I feel like a new era is unveiling before our eyes. An era where religion is an option rather than an essential. Where the 'typical man' theory will takeover. Where the numbers 3, 7, 11, 13 and their multiples will be prominent in society.

Oh well. You'll have to be nuts to believe all that. But then again, what can you believe in nowadays?

darkwing duck

2006-06-11T15:09:00.000+08:00

It seems that the only salvation I get these days is from my computer. Thank heaven for emulators and roms. Downloaded Talespin, Darkwing Duck, Ducktales, Dick Tracy, Burger Time, Chip n Dale and lots more ar.. Lazy to type. Bah. I think I'll spend this whole sunday trying to complete those games.

Argh. How the hell can one gain 8kgs in one month?

Don't know?

Ask me. Hahah.

laws of physics

2006-06-10T20:50:00.000+08:00

'I said close! Close you dimwit!'

Was called at 3pm to play for a gig at 6pm. :-o

Planet Paradgim wasn't as bad as I expected it to be. The sound system was good. And that's probably the only thing that was good just now. Caught two other bands playing. Somehow it gave me the idea how pop music has evolved over the years.

Dhoby Ghaut MRT station is no fun anymore with the addition of the Xchange thing. It's so busy now that sitting down there to stone for hours and just watch people pass isn't much the peaceful pleasure that it once was.

Been getting lots of free stuff lately. Free guitar, free keyboard, free time, freezing cold bandung. Hmmm... I think Talespin is the best airplane game ever.

Oh well. Time for more Casatschok. Weee!

blackhearted

2006-06-08T23:51:00.000+08:00

you're seeking perfection,
but your disillusions are
leading to destruction
you're bleeding for salvation,
but you can't see,
that you are the damnation,
itself.

your hatred's growing on
it's growing strong
and the devil's born
releasing poison to a mind
which is already torn
last days of innocence
now waste your self
have no regrets
tomorrow it's too late
you'll lose your soul
you'll burn in hell

how many years will you bleed
so many devils to feed
how long time to suffer
is eternity

disease is moving on
it's spreading on
it's getting strong
black harmony tonight
too late to leave
too late to hide
cold wind which blows inside
can tell the truth you lost,
you died
the final ride is here
you'll see the truth
shall have no fear.

finger paintings of the insane

2006-06-07T19:11:00.000+08:00

What then is the definition of life?

An endless struggle to seek happiness?

Hmmm...

Why is it that we are always battling against our own inner problems? Why can't one be happy the way one is?

Maybe if you can't get something, it's probably that you're not meant to have it in the first place. Or should it be, what's meant to be yours, will be yours one day?

I guess we should be happy with the way things are cos that's how decided it to be. Everything is up to one to decide his or her own definition of euphoria.

So yeah. C'mon people, stop feeling sorry for yourselves and do something worthwhile instead.

end of the road

2006-06-04T23:57:00.000+08:00

Goodbye.

last rays of the setting sun

2006-06-03T22:09:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I really wonder why I even bother. Why I even try.

vote for koopa

2006-05-31T22:56:00.000+08:00

Watched Super Mario Brothers the Movie. Didn't know Goombas were good dancers. Hahah. Now the only thing would make me happy is Popeye the Movie and some good old episodes of Bucky O'hare.

Finally. The moon is out. ^_^

defiant imagination

2006-05-29T00:37:00.000+08:00

It's been moonless this past few days. It's like there's no point staying up late anymore.

Sometimes I can't help but feel,
Like a toy in a child's hands,
The warmth of being appreciated,
Only to be discarded once it gets bored.

Everyone's growing up.
Maybe I should too.
Or is it the other way around?

click click

2006-05-26T16:26:00.000+08:00

Shish kebab anyone?

lx system 2

2006-05-25T20:23:00.000+08:00

Red was the colour of the sky.
Red was the colour of the clouds.
Red was the colour of sunset.
And red is the colour of my blood.

I must say. I like the way things are going these days. I seem to be discovering a lot.

Saturday's gonna be an interesting day.

I wonder what will happen.

puppy dog for supper

2006-05-25T00:02:00.000+08:00

I think Ladies in Lavender is a nice movie. The violin playing was excellent.

Spent a whole night under stars the other night. Taught someone to play the keyboard in 3 hours. Found out $10 was more than enough to feed 4 people. Myabe more. Caught 4 slugs and 2 snails. Found out Admiralty isn't as busy as it is in Yishun at the break of dawn.

Sometimes I wish that I never knew you.
Maybe then I will have less restless nights.

desire

2006-05-22T19:31:00.000+08:00

fireworks

2006-05-21T23:54:00.000+08:00

I've got to say, The Da Vinci Code wasn't really worth my seven bucks. All the hype about the movie, only to result in a disappointing anti-climax. Not that I'm not used to such situations already. Heh. But that's not the point. Just felt like the movie was just some big treasure hunt with really interesting clues. The ending was quite disappointing too to be honest. I'd choose The Goonies over this movie anytime.

Moving on.

Really, I don't get the point they are trying to prove in digging up all these ancient artifacts. The Gospel of Judas, the Holy Grail, the Royal Bloodline and all that. What are they trying to prove? That religion is propaganda? I wonder really. Who knows? The Illuminati might be real too. Heh. Reptilian ancestors. Or should I say creaters. Hmmm... Or maybe we did originate from Mars. Well, not really from mars. But, Martians came to Earth and did some genome stuff and ended up creating humans. Possible?

I think anything's possible nowadays.

Where have truth, trust, believe and faith gone?

I don't know.

Well, let's let them decide then.

violins, cellos and other string instruments

2006-05-21T12:24:00.000+08:00

'You feel I have abandoned you.
But it was you who have left me behind'

Reader:

Dead Man's Diary on the nightstand
will it hold the truth to an unanswered past
Thoughts of yesteryears
Will they be revealed to the world at last?

Wooden floor cracks as I take a step forward

A cold breeze in back of my neck
A stench fills the room, the stench fills the room
Accumulated dust showed by the moonlight
Dark cover manuscript reveals its age

My hand apporaches and I feel the rage

Writer:

I'll hunt you down and punish your life
I'll nail you to the beams of red
I'll watch you bleed and beg for mercy
I'll savor the moment when our eyes will meet

Reader:

The content feared, the diary I open
First page, "To my love, the first and last"
A black and white photo from 1912
An image to remember from a forgotten past

I turn the pages, the horror grasps my attention

Shocking plots, and detailed footnotes
Confession begins:
"My actions are haunting me, I must confess.
But I fear brutal punishment for years on end."

"The truth will stay with me untill my body rests"

Writer:

I'll hunt you down and punish your life
I'll nail you to the beams of red
I'll burn your flesh, you will be covered with sores
I'll feel your pain as you scream for mercy

Reader:

A dark presence overcomes me
Agression starts to roar within my veins
The pages turn, without applying torque
A blank page appears at the end of the plot

The ink starts to appear as I read the words

My name inscribed, the time of death appears
Scripted to today's date, minutes untill tomorrow
An unexplainable fear is experienced
I close my eyes, I feel a soul above

I look into his eyes
His face...
... My face
Is staring at me

Writer:

I'll hunt you down and punish your life
I'll nail you to the beams of red
I'll ram a bullet right through your head
I'll put an end to the misery

carpae deum

2006-05-19T14:39:00.000+08:00

Open your eyes.

so much for suicide

2006-05-18T00:23:00.000+08:00

So much for suicide.
So much thought,
But you never tried.

Is there more to life I wonder. Is it possible to break the cycle? To break the stereotypes?

What are the guidelines drawn for? To turn us into machines that just do what we're expected to do? To not think and just follow rules?

How exactly do you define a good life? Money? Success? Popularity perhaps?

Hmmm... I wonder.

Just stop for a moment. Look at yourself. Then ask yourself, 'Is this who I want to become?' Listen to your own words. What do they say? Are they really what you want to say?

The answer would probably be yes.

777

2006-05-17T17:29:00.000+08:00

The silent peace this anguished morning
Brings leaves me to my grief
Oh, so many years I've been married to the grave
These bitter tears fill up my sorrowed eyes as I lay my head down
and beg myself to be so brave'
Oh, how I miss your loving hate
And yet I miss her loving hate
Cursed be this love I bear
Bereaved be this heart that bleeds for her
The love of the man lives here'
On grain and the earth, rain and the chilling air
The burning passion the glowing sunset gives
Will leave me to my joy
and I'll laugh upon the stroke that murders me
So farewell my love,
Take all of myself and kill this love forsaken
and please send me no need of thee'
Oh, how I miss your loving hate'
And yet I miss her loving hate
Cursed be this love I bear
Bereaved be this heart that bleeds for her
The love of the man lives here'
On grain and the earth, rain and the chilling air

heatwave

2006-05-16T15:50:00.000+08:00

Everyone's been bugging me to study. Study, study, study. That's all they can think of. The thing is, I don't know whether I still can. However, we all know that it's all about qualifications now. No diploma, no job. Or whatever they want nowadays.

Sometimes I wish that some accident will take my life. At least that would spare my parents the shame of seeing me grow up to become a loser.

Exams are in a couple of months time and I still know nuts. I knew starting school one week late wasn't a good idea. Try telling that to my mom.

Hopefully this two-week break will help me sort things out. Life is about living your dreams. I have the chance to but there's always people holding me back.

Oh well. Happy holidays to me.

-

2006-05-14T23:41:00.000+08:00

There's no need to.

There's no need to.

There's no need to.

It has to be done.

paegan love song

2006-05-11T12:35:00.000+08:00

we wither and blow where the smoke goes
closing my eyes to the sunlight
withering tonight
one thing is certain
the rest is a lie
one thing is certain
life flies
molly,
molly,
molly
mother of night
your sons of the dirt bless you
mother of night

shot in the dark

2006-05-02T21:50:00.000+08:00

Clock strikes twelve and moondrops burst
Out at you from their hiding place
Like acid and oil on a madman's face
His reason tends to fly away
Like lesser birds on the four winds
Like silver scrapes in May
And now the sand's become a crust
Most of you have gone away

Come Susie dear, let's take a walk
Just out there upon the beach
I know you'll soon be married
And you'll want to know where winds come from
Well it's never said at all
On the map that Carrie reads
Behind the clock back there you know
At the Four Winds Bar

Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

Four winds at the Four Winds Bar
Two doors locked and windows barred
One door to let to take you in
The other one just mirrors it

Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

Hellish glare and inference
The other one's a duplicate
The Queenly flux, eternal light
Or the light that never warms
Yes the light that never, never warms
Or the light that never
Never warms
Never warms
Never warms

The clock strikes twelve and moondrops burst
Out at you from their hiding place
Miss Carrie nurse and Susie dear
Would find themselves at Four Winds Bar

It's the nexus of the crisis
And the origin of storms
Just the place to hopelessly
Encounter time and then came me

Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

Call me Desdinova
Eternal light
These gravely digs of mine
Will surely prove a sight
And don't forget my dog
Fixed and consequent

Astronomy...a star

endsmouth

2006-04-09T03:10:00.000+08:00

It's only the end of the world again.

do not touch screen

2006-04-08T11:59:00.000+08:00

Sometimes when it rains,
I like to stare out of the window.
Sometimes I feel like jumping down,
Along with all the things,
That has gone out of the window.

Sometimes when it rains,
I like to take a walk.
Sometimes I feel like lying down,
In the middle of the road,
And let the rain sweep me away.

Sometimes when it rains,
I like to think of you.
Sometimes I wished that I died,
When I last saw the waters,
Cos this time,
It feels like forever.

I like it when it rains.

gone are the glory days

2006-04-08T01:29:00.000+08:00

Eh. You know what? Nevermind ar. There are things we can't control sometimes.

So am I happy with my life?

Well.. I won't say I'm not. But Life used to be much better.

Yeah. I agree.

Hahah yeah... Wait.

Who am I talking to?

freakazoid

2006-04-07T15:06:00.000+08:00

Now everytime I switch the channel to Kids Central, there'll be some educational show or just some cartoon teaching good values. Whatever happened to the old fun cartoons? Those that make no sense and leave you laughing even when the show has ended? Of course there's Spongebob and Sesame Street but that's all I guess. Where have Freakazoid, Pinky and The Brain, Bonkers and Ninja Turtles gone? Where?

Oh well. No wonder kids nowadays always follow by example. *shrugs*

insert word here

2006-04-06T18:53:00.000+08:00

Have you ever asked yourself, 'Why am I doing this? What is it that I want at the end of the day?'

Sometimes I really do feel like I'm doing things for nothing. It's like there's always this other greater power that's holding back the things I want from me. Well, for example, I want to sleep because I'm sleepy. Hopefully I'd be energized by the time I wake up. However, there's this external force that always keeps me from doing it. Somebody would always knock on the door non-stop. As if they don't care whether one is sleeping or not. As a result, I have to wake up and open the door and answer some stupid question like, 'Oh. You're sleeping ar?'

Well, I guess we can't always get we want. Shit happens I guess. However, belief is what holds us together. Things will always have their own way of working out eventually.

All the battles, all the dirt and victories we tasted,
All the tension, all the misery and all the bliss,
All the passion, all the hurt and all the love we wasted,
All the purgatories... All for this?

There is nothing there.

how much more must we bleed her?

2006-04-06T02:18:00.000+08:00

'Jalan ah.'

'Set ar.'

*walks around in circles*

the irony of it all

2006-04-02T15:45:00.000+08:00

Two games in the morning just now. Surprised I lasted for almost 2 hours of football without getting crams. Yet to score at that freaking field. Must be cursed I think. But managed to end one losing streak though. Weehee!

It's raining. Yay!

80's synthpop!
I'm in love with you again!
You and your lovey dovey love songs.
Your well crafted music videos.
Where have you gone?
Where???

society slump

2006-04-02T02:31:00.000+08:00

Bah. Whatever. Who cares anyway?

the bones of baby dolls

2006-04-01T06:53:00.000+08:00

Flower girls play lover
Grave games in the courtyard
I heard her screaming like a radio

Flower girls play lover
Grave games in the courtyard
I heard her screaming like a radio

Mary lou left marks on you
She just screams at the walls
The kite string pops
I'm swallowed whole by the sky
We smoke the bones of baby dolls
Techno-liquid screaming meat
Heaven's cold beneath my feet
Cyber love the anti-man we make love... because we can

Virgins play where the bayou's blue
Barefoot (and bloody) eatin' mushroom stew
Work for pay and pay for freedom
Fuck 'em all, we don't need 'em
We smoke the bones of baby dolls

Everything's gone dry
Like bottle glass scraping cross the pavement
Everything's gone dry
Like bottle glass scraping cross the pavement
Everything's gone dry
Like bottle glass scraping cross the pavement
Everything's gone dry
Like bottle glass scraping cross the pavement

give me a pen

2006-03-30T23:44:00.000+08:00

Do you have a pen?
Do you have a piece of paper?

Here,
I'll draw you a map of the world.
I'll show you where Italy is.
I'll show you where Sicilly is.

Now,
This is Madagascar,
And this is the Cape of Good Hope.

This where the Atlantic Ocean is,
And this is the line,
Where the Earth is separated in two.

But wait.

This is not what I asked for.

sideways always

2006-03-28T14:47:00.000+08:00

I guess we only realise how much we've been taking things for granted only when they're gone. Who thought what your parents said were actually true?

clouds hide the sun

2006-03-19T11:14:00.000+08:00

Stewie talking to a drunk Brian lying lifeless on the street.

Stewie: Is that why you've been on this path of self-destruction? You know Brian, as smart as you are, you've got to accept the fact that there are some things in life that you just can't control.

Brian: You mean the way you can't control the messed up way that you laugh when you think something's really really funny?

Stewie: Yes. And I accept that. Your problem is, you think that just because you're not in control, nothing matters. That you don't matter. But you know what? You matter to someone. You matter big time.*sobs*

what do you want?

2006-03-18T02:29:00.000+08:00

**** ***.